Visiting

I went to the cemetery today, just to see if my mom was okay.

Kirsten played voicemails and we giggled at the messages.

I desperately wanted to call my mom. I desperately wanted to hear her laugh.

I just wanted to sit and visit with her. There’s a lot that has happened since October 25. I had no idea where to start, but the tears came.

I looked around the cemetery and wondered how many people here do not get a visit from their family or friends. I wondered if my mom chats to those she knows in heaven. I wondered if she’d be mad I didn’t have on warmer clothes.

I heard a message today and part of it was about communicating and allowing people to know how you are really doing, how you are really feeling. Often times in loss, in grief, we mask. But, if you communicate clearly and tell someone about your fears, your hopes, and you really let them in, well, you’ve found your person or people.

I don’t think death is an easy topic by any means, and I don’t think people are comfortable talking about it, preparing for it, and ultimately accepting it when those we love are called home.

I do know it makes the loss sting less if you can talk about your loss, you can visit a memorial, a graveside, listen to voicemail, look at pictures.

Grief is difficult and cruel some days.

Today just felt right to stop by and visit mom.