Grief is defined as deep sorrow, especially caused by someone’s death.
I know there are stages to grief as well. Some would say that depression is usually the longest and most difficult stage. Can we accept the loss? Can we move on?
I think it is very common for any of us who have suffered a loss to grieve differently. Many changes come with death. There are emotional changes and major life changes that come with loss.
My mom has been gone for three weeks. That seems so strange to type.
I have noticed changes in my body. I have experienced difficulty sleeping. My mind races with all sorts of thoughts. I have been incredibly tired, with no pain but some headaches, probably from crying and stress, and I have been in a daze.
What I know is that I have accepted my emotions as being all over the place. What I mean by that is there are really good days, with laughter and memories, and then there are some sad days with tears. I mean having a good cry where your face is red as all get out, your eyes are swollen, and you are crying so hard your body is shaking.
What I know is that there are days when I am completely dazed. I think this is sometimes called “Grief Brain.”
You may have plans and they change, you forget about activities or events, or you may misplace things like keys or phones, but your brain is completely overloaded with other “things,” thoughts, and memories, and your brain is just focused on those thins, not your everyday tasks.
I have learned to be more patient with myself, and show myself more grace. I keep my planner and sticky notes handy to write down all the things or to make a list.
What I know is that I am healing from a massive loss, a huge hole in my heart, and a void.
What I know is that I am loved and have great family and friends to help me through this.
What I know is that we all grieve differently and that no one, not one person should ever expect you to “get over it” when you have a loss like this.
What I know is that I miss my mom, but I am comforted by the fact she is no longer suffering, she has a clear memory; she’s not struggling to remember, she’s pain-free, and she’s watching over us.
What I know is it is important to take your time, baby steps, and be mindful and reasonable with yourself.
Grammy-nominated Brandi Carlile, Phil Hanseroth, and Tim Hanseroth wrote this, and it is embedded in my heart.
You can try to carve a faith out of your own
But a broken spirit may dry out the bone
And the edges of the night may cause you sorrow
You know I may not be around this time tomorrow
But our holy dreams of yesterday aren’t gone
They still haunt us like the ghosts of Babylon
And the breakin’ of the day might bring you sorrow
You know I may not be around this time tomorrow
But I’ll always be with you
I will always be with you
I will always be with you
I’ll always be with you.
Grief takes time. What I know is that I am processing and there’s no timeline for that.
