Home (Again).

This has been a long week. TGIF.

As you may recall, on Tuesday I had a visit back to Barnes-Jewish as an outpatient. I was to have a sonogram and a regular OB visit, but my body was not cooperating with me at all.

I walked in to the triage to have my weight and blood pressure recorded and my blood pressure was 168/82.

That is bad news, friends.

Once I saw Dr. Kelly, I was immediately told that I would be going back to the Parkview Tower and the Antepartum Unit for mothers.

I was in tears. Frustrated with my body, worried about my baby, and my health, I told the doctor that I was anxious about what would happen today. I told her about my medication (she was a different doctor from the team that I had the last visit), and then it was decided that maybe my medication would have to be “upped” or changed.

We made the long walk from the outpatient building to APU. As we were walking, I began to think that maybe I was in the right place at the right time, maybe I would be here long term, maybe I would deliver Baby H at Barnes, and maybe I would be going home soon.

All of these things lead me to more tears. I had a lot of anxiety in this last hospital stay.

The thing about being in a specialty ward or a specialty hospital is that the folks are prepared for just about anything and everything. I was relieved when we walked in and I saw some familiar faces. I felt comfortable and nervous at the same time. I knew that God had a plan (even if I wasn’t ready for it or wanting to follow it).

Sam was with me the whole time, even when he had to leave to come back home and back to work. The kids were in good hands with my parents and their dad, and I felt good, but I had tears. I was frustrated to be missing out on things, little every day things like breakfast with my family, coffee when everyone has left the house, a nap in my recliner, and yes, even a bit of work (school work, research, and blogging). I wanted normalcy, and my body was preventing me from having that…even if it was for a few days.

Baby H. is good. In fact, he is stubborn already, he is hopefully growing and baking like he should and needs to for several more weeks. My nerves got the best of me when I was given two steroid shots as a precaution for his lungs to develop and grow (in case I had to deliver early and he was to be born at Barnes). Luckily, we had a little chat about what we needed to do and how we needed to be healthy. He got to listen to Mom talk about his big sister and big brother, his dad, and his grandparents, he listened to music, and he got to see his favorite nurse again, Amber.

There’s something about a hospital stay that makes you realize you really want to be home and that you are longing for your own bed, your own shower, your routine. This stay, I realized that despite the longings and the nervousness, I was in good hands the whole time. I was with folks who knew what they were doing, who knew what I needed, and who made me feel comfortable regardless of what was running through my mind.

I am home. I want to be home as long as I can. I want to have regular check ups and visits, but I want to deliver later, not anytime soon. We have a lot of time to prepare and we have to get our home ready for sweet baby H.

In the meantime, keep us in your warm thoughts, well-wishes, good vibes, and prayers. I know that I appreciate it and feel the love and the warmth from all of you.

It is good to be home.

Home. These people are my world and my home. Although the photos are a little older, they are some of my favorites, and I am so glad for the memories. I’m glad for the moments that I can pull from when I am feeling down and when I am feeling low. I love my people more than they will ever know.