Caring for the Caregiver

Recently, roles in our home have been reversed. In our home, I am usually viewed as the caregiver, looking after Sam in a variety of ways, making sure he takes his meds, making sure he has everything he needs for a day of work, a day on campus at SIU for class, and just checking in on him in general. However, after a week-long hospital stay a few weeks ago for me, Sam has now become a caregiver.

Caregiving is an extraordinary role to be in or to have. In fact, in the US nearly 70 percent of caregivers are women. Not all caregivers are women, as I see my Dad in a caregiver role for my Mom.

The majority of caregivers are also working caregivers. This means that the caregivers may work in the home, outside of the home, in a full-time job, a part-time job, or they may depend on a caregiver stipend if they receive one. Some caregivers have no choice but to stay home with their loved one due to the nature of the illness or injury.

Some caregivers are very young in age. In our home, we have secondary caregivers: our children. There have been numerous times Caden has asked Sam about his medicine and Kirsten has made sure I have all the things I need (meds, pillows, drinks, etc.). While they may not know they are doing so, they are acting in their own way as a caregiver to us.

Caregivers range in age, some are around the ages of 45-49, while others may be in a different age bracket, caregiving is something that does not discriminate in terms of gender and age.

So, what can you do for those who may be a caregiver, or what can you do for yourself?

Laugh. Laugh about something every single day. A lot of times, I am home by myself for several hours due to my teaching schedule. I laugh all the time. I laugh at myself, I laugh at our dogs, and sometimes I even laugh at a book, movie or TV show.

Take care of yourself. This is sometimes hard for me because I want to take care of everyone in my home, and sometimes I forget about me. Things you can do for self-care vary, for me, it is a hair appointment. That is my time with my stylist and my time to just “be.”

Eat well. This is not a problem for me lately, eating (eating for two). Sometimes it is not what I should be eating (like a sleeve of Oreos), but make sure you have a well-balanced diet, and be sure to keep hydrated! Drink that water!

Talk with someone everyday. As I mentioned, sometimes I have no real interaction or face-to-face interaction with people in a day. I may call my mom on the phone, I may Marco Polo (video chat) with friends, and the only people that I see that day might be on my phone. I can talk with Sam when he is home. Make sure that you are reaching out and checking on those who are caregivers.

Let others help you. This one is a hard one for me at times. I want to do all the things by myself. I have learned to lean on family and friends when it gets to be too much. Sam had to learn this the hard way when I was hospitalized. He reached out to some of our family and friends because he was starting to feel the weight of all the things. I was on bed rest at the hospital, and he needed someone to help out.

Cry. Give yourself a chance to have a good cry. For me, this has been easy lately as my emotions have been all over the place. It is not a bad thing to have a good cry. Sometimes it might be a commerical, or a Facebook post, but it is not a bad thing. Let those tears out if you need.

Sleep. I am all about naps these days. I know I need it, and I know that once this baby comes it will be hard to sleep *unless he is sleeping* so making sure that you get plenty of rest will not only help you, but it will also help those you are caring for and those around you.

Caregivers go through a variety of emotions in one day. They may have a lot of tasks or “things” to take care of like cooking all the meals in the home, keeping the home clean or tackling housekeeping chores, driving their loved ones to and from appointments, paying bills, doing the shopping, caring for outdoor things like making sure the lawn is mowed, leaves are raked up, going to and from the pharmacy and making sure their loved one takes the medication throughout the day.

It can be tough, it can seem like a lot, and we need to make sure we check on our loved ones who are caregivers. Give them a chance to step out of the house, head to the library, go to a hair appointment, get groceries.

Caregivers devote a large amount of their time to their loved ones, their energy and focus can be devoted to one person (or to their entire family). Caregiving can take a toll and the well-being of a caregiver is important.

When the roles are reversed it can be tough to manage. I admit, the thought of being in a hospital for the majority of my pregnancy depressed me. I worried about what I could and could not do. I worried about Sam, my kids, and the house. But, I also knew that worry and stress was not good for me.

Luckily we had a chance for communication, a chance to talk with family members, and an opportunity to get better together. I know it was rough, and I know that the new role of caregiver was a bit of a challenge for Sam.

Caregivers are not alone. There are may resources available, there are people to reach out to, and there are services that allow caregivers time to relax and recharge. We must reach out and we must make sure that caregivers are working on themselves as well so they don’t get to the point of burnout.