Rough Stuff

This past weekend is a blur. The days went by so quickly, and on Sunday I found myself with some mixed emotions.

Mother’s Day.

A beautiful, broken, complex, complicated day. For some, the day may be filled with breakfast in bed, flowers, handmade cards, and gifts from school, warm, fuzzy feelings…

For some, it is a day full of sadness, longing, brokenness, heartbreak.

I felt those things this year. Happy to see my kids come barreling through the door on Sunday morning. Happy to have a quiet morning with breakfast and CBS Sunday Morning (from London, btw, loved that). Thankful that we could have a day where there was some relaxing…

But I was conflicted too. In my heart, I was a little sad. I hid tears a few times before ultimately breaking down in the shower. I didn’t know that after all these hours, days, weeks, and months, miscarriage will still sting and hurt.

And while I could have a delicious lunch with my own mother, I know there are some of you out there who long to hear your mother’s voice one more time. I spent time with my children, laughing, napping, watching t.v., and I know that some of you may be estranged or separated from your children.

And while we were doing those things, there was a small part of me, remembering my first Mother’s Day, with K who made me a momma, and a second time with my first Mother’s Day with a son…

But a small part of me remembered the heartbreak that was February.

We all have different feelings on different days. Whether we want to admit or show them is one thing, but we all know love. Love was all I needed on Sunday. Love is what I got.

Love seemed to make the rough stuff disappear.

The best things in life…these two.