Do you ever think about an event, holiday, or moment by the day or time in which said event, holiday, or moment occurred? For example: my birthday (and my daughter’s) is January 25. My wedding anniversary is June 14, which is also Sam’s birthday. Some people may remember the day that they lost a loved one. In our home, for Sam, there are anniversary dates, Dates of a mission, loss of a soldier, hard memories from deployments and war.
One week ago today we lost our baby.
That is really hard to type. To read. To even think about.
Yesterday we received so much love. I am almost speechless. I received phone calls, messages, texts, people sharing their own stories of loss, of hope, of their heartbreak.
And I read every comment on Facebook (as did Sam). I have yet to reply to them all because sometimes I have to take a minute and let the tears flow. I’ve been told it is okay to cry, it is okay to grieve. It is also okay to be a little hurt. Boy, does this hurt.
We know this will take time. We know that everyone processes a situation like this differently. I heard stories of multiple losses and then the birth of a beautiful baby. I heard stories of heartbreak, women sharing their own losses with me, their hope, their prayers.
My heart was so full, yet so sad all at the same time.
Emotions are running wild in our home. I’ve had some okay days, but not one of them since last week have gone by without tears or a moment where I am just a little sad, a little heartbroken. I’m taking time off work. I’m so thankful to have a fantastic workplace, and a support system who just gets it, understands what is going on. I do miss my students and the classroom though.
I’ve been able to take some time and relax. It is so.hard. I feel like I should be doing something, and honestly, there’s been days where I’ve just sat around reading (for fun, not for school or research) and that’s just what I needed. I’ve had days where a song, a commercial, or a single thought has brought tears to my eyes.
Sam has busied himself with cleaning, organizing, cooking, and working. We have had moments where a hug from him is all I need. Of course, it is met with some tears.
The kids have been great. I’m not bragging, but they are going to make awesome adults. They are so attentive, caring, and kind. In the aftermath of last week, once we left the ER, we had to break the news to the kids about the loss of the baby. I don’t think I’ve had to endure anything so difficult all in one day.
Monday I had an appointment for blood work. It made for a long day. I’m still waiting on the results. That evening, as I was getting ready to get into pajamas and start my evening of trying to relax and read (once the kids were in bed), I found something on my nightstand from my precious daughter…
Sometimes I forget she is fifteen.
Catherine, I, too, lost a baby in 1950. Was only pregnant for a month. Never was able to get pregnant again. There is just no way to explain feelings to someone who hasn’t experienced it.. I’ve been so fortunate that others have shared their children with me. All the kids I’ve ever taught are a part of me and such a blessing. My prayers are with you all.
Oh, Phyllis. Thank you for sharing your story. <3 We have had a rough go of it over the past few days. I will be honest and say when I hear or read of others sharing their story it really helps me know that I am not alone, and that I am so blessed to be surrounded by such strong and courageous people. Thank you. <3
” I’m not bragging, but they are going to make awesome adults.” And then the card! What a joy. I’ve NO doubt that you’re not bragging at all. They ARE going to be awesome adults –they are already awesome — because they have an awesome and loving role model. Holding you up in prayer my friend… K
Thank you so much. We have had a rough week, but those kids have been amazing. <3
Amazing parents often have amazing children. A job well done my dears.❤️