Hey, 2018…I’m shaking my head and finger at you…
Can you give my kid a break?
We’ve had some minor meltdowns over the past few days with our ten year old. For those of you who know him, it might seem unusual to read that sentence. He’s loving, punny (yep, I typed that), and super sweet. I’m not just saying that because I’m his mom, it is the truth.
I have a lover, not a fighter.
I have (at times) a Mama’s boy.
I have a child who absolutely dreads school.
What is so odd about this is that normally big C is all about school–friends, lunch, recess (priorities), reading, and the daily 5 in his class, but lately…
He cries because he is so nervous about what may come when he’s in school.
He’s upset for a reason he can’t quite find.
He doesn’t want to leave his family or participate in unstructured activities.
He wants to stay home, be with me, and just watch TV until there’s nothing more to watch–and trust me, I think I’ve seen about every Phineas and Ferb episode that’s been made.
At times, our son is suffering from a panic about school. He is so anxious about what the day may bring that he will burst into tears. And, he even gets so worked up he makes himself sick at various times of the day (before breakfast, after breakfast, after school, during dinner).
We’ve had some rough mornings that have tears and upset stomachs, evenings that have some anxiety, and nights that have Mama cuddled up with her sweet boy wishing she could just wave a magic wand and make everything all better.
Mama tried.
Monday was especially rough. I’m the keeper. I keep the schedule, the dinner menu, the drop off and pick up routine, appointments, work, and even homework at times. I keep the information. Who is going where, what days K will have weights after school, when K will have softball, who needs clean socks, what lunches get packed. I am a keeper.
I felt like I couldn’t keep my son comforted, safe, or calm.
I felt helpless, trying to ask those open ended questions so he would open up about his worries, his fears. I felt awful when I heard the words “but my stomach feels funny” and “please mom, I want to be with you” and I wanted him to go to school.
But somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I wasn’t alone as the mom, the keeper, the one who can make the boo-boo’s better. I was trying.
I started to realize that in a short period of time, my kiddo was losing sleep, suffering from worry, and struggling to shut down his brain to rest and not focus on “big worry” (like atomic bombs) and stay calm. I was frustrated and again, helpless.
So, yesterday we took some time to chat. I really listed. Mama tried to ask questions, reassure, but we needed to freeze: pause and take deep breaths. We worked through tears. We worked on deep breathing, and I’m pretty sure at one point, I got a small smile or giggle.
I made sure to let C know that I understand things in life can be scary, I empathized with him. We decided to be problem-solvers and figure out possible solutions when things seem rough, and we talked about “good worry” and “silly worry” because it seemed that I saw a young version of myself in my son…worrying.
As hard as it was, talking, remaining calm, and problem solving seemed to work. At dinner there was even a pun, a joke made. I saw that sweet, happy boy for a split second and I was relieved.
We had tears this morning. After coming up with a plan (thanks to the guidance, patience, and understanding of the school counselor and teacher), we went over our worries again. Sam stepped in beautifully this morning when Mama tried to stay composed, but felt pangs of guilt and tears creeping in…
Our son is a planner–he likes routine, he needs to know what is going on for the day, heck, even the week at times. We talked about what would take place today, and I’m convinced that helped. I’ve been reassured by his classroom teacher and some of my other teacher friends he is most loved, cared for, and safe at his school.
I’ve really felt like a helpless mom the past couple of days. I’ve thought about how the news/media, words, radio, and even things on Facebook can affect anyone but especially our ten year old. I realized that not only do I have certain tactics to run interference for Sam, but also, I have those same tactics as a parent. I can be the buffer if I need to, recognize when things are too much for my kids, and know that I can be the keeper of solutions, the keeper of memories (good and bad), the keeper of peace, the one who can be the mediator if necessary, navigator of bad moods, bad days, and I can also be the keeper of worry at times (theirs and my own).
Just know sweet kids, Mama is trying. Mama loves you despite all the crazy in this world. Never ever forget that.
