Fear can be defined as: “a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the thread is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid…something that causes feelings of dread or apprehension; something a person is afraid of…”
I have fear, I think at some point, probably every single one of us have a fear of something.
As a mom, I have fear or worry about my kids every single day. I know that there are things that may happen in this world beyond my control, but it really is a fear, or nervousness that I have when they are on a trip without me or Sam, when they are at school, when they are sick. It might seem like little or small things, but I think everyone who has a role as a parent has some type of fear for their children.
As a caregiver, I have a fear that something will happen to Sam. Our relationship is unique in that I was not married to Sam during any of his deployments. I had to learn about his injuries when he was ready, willing, and able to tell me about them as he sustained most of them overseas. Some are visible, some are invisible. I had to learn about his medication, what he takes, how often he takes it, and when he needs to see the doctor.
I know what you might be thinking “is she scared or what?” And the answer to that is “sometimes, yes.”
Sometimes the fear over what we can’t control is difficult. Not knowing is hard. The unknown is hard. I believe if you have a little faith, talk to the man upstairs, and have a good support system you can also work through that fear when you feel it creeping in.
Another fear I have is that I worry about Sam and my kids if something were to ever happen to me. None of us want to think about those things, but it is a worry, a fear. How will they be, what will they do, can they recover from a big loss? I also think about that in the sense of what if I were to lose Sam.
I think that the unknown and fear of something happening to me and that I won’t be able to care for Sam and my kids is a big one–one that I don’t have enough information for, or limited knowledge of–that sucks.
My biggest fear would have to be that if something were to happen to me my loved ones won’t be cared for.
Silly, right? They are loved by so many, and I know they would receive love and care, but it is the care that I can give?
Spouses may worry about their ability to care for their husband or wife. They want to keep their partner at home with them as long as they possibly can. Some caregivers fear burn out, reach the point of giving up, or they fear the onset of some disability or illness that will cause them to be unable to care for others. I think there’s such a thing as caregiver stress, and maybe some of us who are caregivers get that from time to time, but I also think that there are ways to manage that stress (regardless of what kind of caregiving you do–for a veteran, spouse, parent, child).
One of the biggest things that I do is to talk about these fears, I’m not going to deny them, but I’m also not going to let them take up a bunch of space in my head or heart. There are many concerns we face as we care for loved ones, and sometimes talking about them out loud helps.
We can focus on the aspects of life that we have control over. I can always find some peace in knowing that. It might be hard to see the good or positive, but we all have moments where we want to do as much as possible or control every single situation. We simply cannot do that.
Giving your mind a break: reading a good book, watching a movie, doing something fun (shopping, napping, road tripping), those are ways to be involved with your loved ones while you can, giving them your full attention and making sure that they have the love and care they need.
We tend to fear the unknown. In the caregiving world there are many unknowns. We need to realize that we are not alone. We have to reach out for help when we need it and be in the moment—be present for our loved ones every single day.
These are my people. I love them more than they will ever know.