I Am Who I Am

Have you ever wondered where your life would be if you didn’t have the people who love you, surround you with their affection, love and determination that also strive for your bettered success. Now, imagine this, you have been in a life altering event or events and now you have to try and process and succeed simultaneously without the help of anyone. Do you you think you can do it?

I am Veteran of both the Iraq and Afghanistan war. I have gone through and done things that will sit with me for the rest of my life. These events have forever changed my direction in life. When I signed on the dotted line all those years ago, I never expected to change the “Sam” I thought I was. Don’t get me wrong, I am who am I am, and I would not change that. As Doctor Seuss would say, “I am Sam I am!”

I have tried to bottle my problems to no avail. I have tried to changed my perspective, that did not work. I have tried to distract my memory from horrible things but that didn’t work either. I use to think all the time, “will this nightmare ever end?”  So…. I went a different direction. I tried therapy. You know the problem with therapy? You still have to leave your therapist and go home and cope with everything. You still have to manage what is in your head. To make things worse, I surrounded myself with people that were not good for me. I desperately needed someone to help me, even though I was never going to ask for it.  In walks the future love of my life, my future wife!! (I did not know it at that time).

I had gone through a lot in my life and post military, I did it all on my own. I never went to the doctor with someone. I never had people visit me while I was in the hospital. I walked alone.

Cat and I started dating in late 2014. Not too soon after we started dating, I got what was my 6th kidney stone. The stone from hell!! To my surprise, she was there every step of the way. This was new to me. It was a feeling I had not felt since my mom use to take me to the hospital when I would get hurt. ( I had my fair share of E.R. visits when I was growing up.) Slowly, I saw the power of a support structure that I had been told about in my therapy sessions. Could this be the infamous support system that people talk about?

Fast forward to today. Cat is with me every step of the way. She attends therapy with me, which is something I never thought I would ever consent to. She goes with me to hospital visits. She educates herself on my problems yet allows me to still cope in silence till I get to a point to talk about something. She helps me with getting out of bed. Carrying things when I cannot because of severe pain. She is my rock and my world. I have been more successful in my life since I met her, more succusseful than I ever thought possible.

Some of you might be reading this and say “ok, we get it, your bragging about your amazing wife.” To a point, yes I am. I am really telling you all this because I want you to know the power of support. I work in behavioral health in the VA. I have never believed in a more powerful statement than “support is the key to recovery.” Nobody can go at it alone and come out successful. I have seen this first hand in both directions. Ones with support, build on their progress towards recovery. Ones without support, continue to struggle and use excuses as to why they cannot get to where they want to be.

Cat is so many things to me. She is the reason I get out of bed (sometimes she has to help me physically, haha) She is the reason I can go places and do things. As you all know, I travel with a four legged companion, Memphis. He is my service dog. He is great at what he helps me with, but he is not my everything. Cat supports me, understand my struggles even without understanding. Why? She is loving and caring and comforts me when it is right and gives me space when she thinks I need it.

If you have a love one struggling, don’t try to be a hero. Don’t try to understand as much as you should try and educate yourself as to what they are going through. People that have mental disabilities like bi-polar, depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. ,they will need a support system to get through what they are dealing with. This may be a lifetime. Don’t ask stupid questions like “aren’t you over that yet?” Be supportive and provide that love and care when and where you can. A safe place is sometimes in a person’s heart. When you feel love and support, then you can accomplish a lot of things you may not have imagined.

As for Cat and I. I have her back and she has mine. She is my rock and world. I could not imagine being the person I am today without her, supporting me the whole way. I think she and I make a great team. Find your teammate and build a bright and successful future off it. Two heads are always stronger than one mind.