Sometimes sleep is hard to come by at our house. I think we’ve all been to the point of exhaustion and all we can think of is our bed, pillows, blankets, and sound, peaceful sleep.
That doesn’t always happen for us.
Rough nights are nothing new…sometimes it is the weather (storms, lightning, the wind)…sometimes it is homework (reading, typing, studying), and sometimes it is war (nightmares, flashbacks, memories, triggers).
Last night was one of those nights where it was a combination of factors—so exhausted from a long day, but yet, sleep was not anywhere in sight.
At times, I can tell if Sam is having a bad night…and thankfully, Memphis knows when those bad nights happen. You see, Memphis is trained for nightmare interruption…if Sam is struggling, Memphis may nudge him or cuddle up to him so he has a reminder that he can try to peacefully fall back asleep.
Sometimes Sam’s body movements let me know he is having a bad night. It could be legs moving, an arm movement, jerking motions with his body, tossing and turning…and honestly, there are times that I don’t even know he’s having a bad night at all.
A bad night could mean a variety of things: anxiety about what happened during the day, or the day to come, a decrease in sleep time, waking before an alarm (like 3 am this morning), leg movements, a traumatic event, a bad dream, bizarre or wacky dreams, and not even sleeping at all.
Sometimes I will reach for Sam, pat his arm, put my arms around him, comfort him, or at least attempt to comfort him. I don’t always know if he realizes it is me, or that I am right beside him, but I hope he does. Sometimes I just wake up and hope that sometimes sleep comes for Sam, and I hope that work or whatever task that takes place the next day won’t be so challenging.
One of the biggest concerns I have is that we have to go to bed calm–relaxed, ready for a good night’s sleep. Sam may be exhausted beyond belief, but sometimes the sleep just doesn’t happen. I use an app called Calm that will play the crackling sound of a fireplace, a soothing voice that will read a story, and then, of course, there are other apps with white noise and various techniques too.
While sleep can be a struggle, functioning during the day with little to no sleep can be just as bad. I often worry if Sam’s day will be long, if he will be okay while he’s at work, or if he will doze off (truth!). I know Memphis is there to help out, but when Sam’s body is so exhausted and worn down, this is where those invisible wounds rear their ugly head.
Living and loving someone who suffers from PTSD and TBI can be a challenge. I think you have to find a balance and try and work together to understand the symptoms, and what works in terms of getting your Veteran comfortable—comfortable in their daily routine (which is big for us), and making sure that you (the spouse/significant other) just have a listening ear and try to understand. Sure, you can try to nap during the day or go to bed earlier, but there will be times when sleep is something off in the distance.
What works for us may not work for everyone…there is the medication route, which Sam does take. There are apps to help with sleep, manage stress, which we’ve tried…reading, breathing exercises, even falling asleep with the TV on (which is not always a good thing). If you struggle, I hope you find a medium that works for you, and if you are the spouse or significant other of a Veteran who struggles with sleep, I hope you find something that works for you too. Remember, you have to take care of yourselves and one another.
Here’s to a power nap and a good night’s sleep for Tuesday…
Little to no sleep sometimes means a lot of coffee or hot tea for us!