How Are YOU?

How many times have you been asked “how are you?” or “how’s your day?” and you don’t want to answer or respond?

*raising hand*

I have had days where I don’t want to say anything to anyone. I want to keep my head down, go about my business and not really interact with a single person.

Odd for someone who is a teacher, right?

One of the questions that can be a pain, or burdensome for a Veteran to answer is, “how are you?”

That question can be overwhelming…have you felt overwhelmed? Overwhelmed with work, with housework, school work, kids’ schedules, travel schedules, bills, life…the list could go on and on.

At times, when someone asks me, “how are you doing?” in my head I wonder if they want the long version or short version…

Think of a Veteran who might be suffering from PTSD…and think about how that question could absolutely make them want to scream or walk away…if you aren’t sure if a friend or loved one is suffering from PTSD, but you realize some of the signs and symptoms, asking a simple question like “how are you” could really cause a lot of frustration.

A Veteran may not want to answer that question for a variety of reasons. They may not even know how they really feel…they may feel numb. The answer, if they choose to reply, may shock you, and you may also hear something you don’t want to…so how do you talk with a Veteran, especially one that may have PTSD when you really don’t even understand PTSD yourself?

I’ve mentioned a website that was particularly helpful to me when I felt overwhelmed, frustrated, or just downright defeated because I could not understand PTSD and the struggles Sam faced…Welby O’Brien’s, Love Our Vets. There were times I didn’t know how to help Sam, and I didn’t know what to say. I read a post that sometimes, even now, can hit home for me when I feel frustrated because I cannot understand the grip of PTSD on someone (especially the one I love).

I cannot always help the one I love.

I cannot always have a great day.

I cannot help everyone that battles PTSD.

I cannot fix the word.

I cannot fix a person.

I cannot stop war.

BUT…

I can love someone with PTSD.

I can try to have a great day (and be positive).

I can help others understand PTSD, and provide support.

I can be a good listener to someone in need.

I can offer a hug to someone who might need one.

I can honor Veterans.

I can keep learning (lots of things—the list is long).

Welby offers advice and support on her blog about a variety of topics. It has been a pleasure communicating with her via email…and I can tell you that she is a down to Earth, honest, straight from the heart type of gal. She’s a gem.

And guess what—those same statements that go through our thoughts (heads), could very well go through a Veteran’s head too. Staying positive when it is so easy to be down, or upset is a HUGE thing for me, especially if Sam is having a down day or a rough memory. I never really want to ask “how are you?” because I can see it, sense it, and realize that he may need space, or he may need a listening ear (sometimes milkshakes help too).

So, just remember, it is okay to have your down days and be frustrated…you just can’t stay there. You can also offer a smile, and a listening ear too. Those small gestures mean a lot!

Oh! Don’t forget, Memphis turns 2 on Friday! I hope that you will consider helping out other Veterans and service dogs by donating to This Able Veteran. If you are a local, contact me about the items needed at the facility—and if you aren’t local but want to donate…visit TAV’s website. You could also mail in gift cards that can be used for the upcoming Veteran trauma resiliency class.