There’s a hurt that comes with losing a loved one. An ache, maybe even a sense of uneasiness at times.
Lately, I’ve noticed there are a lot of people I know hurting. Aching because of a loss, missing loved ones, and simply, sad.
I wish I had the words, I wish I had a Time Machine, but what I know is that it’s not easy, and a loss sort of moves at its own pace.
My mother departed this earth in October. It seems (some days) like yesterday. Some people have a recent loss, a sting, and heartbreak.
What I’ve learned since October is that hurt doesn’t really go away. Sometimes it comes, much like grief, in waves. There are moments that remind you of your loved one that can bring laughter or tears, what I know is there can be both, one or the other, or bouts of sadness. That sadness is when the hurt comes.
What I also know is that grief and hurt have to come in, we have to see it in others and allow them to have that time. Christmas Day I watched my dad struggle, and it hurt. Seeing loved ones process grief can cause hurt. If I could take that hurt away in a heartbeat, I would.
Letting in the good memories helps us keep the ones we’ve lost alive. A story I share about my mom is that one year at the state fair in Springfield she simply told me “stop sweating!” It was hot, I was performing with my baton group, and well, I was sweating. Remembering that makes me double over with laughter.
Seeing a community show up for your family and others who have experienced loss is also letting the grief in, remembering good times, and showing love. It can hurt like no other, but it helps to know and see loss, sadness, love, and kindness.
I am learning to sit and be in grief. No more hiding tears in a store, apologizing for crying, I’m coping and processing. We all do that differently.
Adjust? Accept? Yes, maybe. My life, along with many others has now been altered due to loss, due to a hurt, and maybe even due to a broken heart.
If you are struggling, if you are hurting, I see you. Know you are not alone. Know you are loved, and when you need it, I’m here.