Today I am reminded that chaos does not stay the same. Frustration passes, time passes by slowly when you least expect it, and sometimes the things you have time for change.
I felt like I had time for nothing. I could not keep up with my schedule (and believe me, that was not the first time I felt that way). I felt like I was about five minutes behind everything on Monday. Nothing was going right.
N-O-T-H-I-N-G on Monday.
Monday morning started off with me waking up after hitting snooze multiple times, driving in a downpour to work, getting to my classroom that had a locked door, tracking down a key, finally getting started with my day.
After all of that, I was tired and in need of another cup of coffee.
Fast forward to my other classes. Students annoyed with the material we were covering, students missing class. A frustrated teacher who longed for a break longer than 50 minutes between classes.
Sounds like a typical Monday, right?
My Tuesday is a bit more relaxed than Monday. I woke up to a thunderstorm and tried desperately to get back in the covers and go to sleep. Sam left for work, I got up and slowly stumbled to the coffee pot.
I started thinking about my “to-do” list and began to dread even opening my laptop.
Then I remembered…
I’m not failing or in constant chaos all of the time. Maybe a couple days out of the week I feel out of sorts, but I can make the most out of those wild days.
My life may not be super balanced (because let’s be real, I feel like I am constantly on the go), and that’s okay.
I love my job, I really do. And while there are a lot of scenarios that may be fit for a first-year instructor, the joy remains. I love the challenge of working with a new group of students each semester, and I love seeing their faces when something just clicks.
Seasons change. I am ready for fall. But guess what…
We change. People change. And just like the seasons and people change, so can our attitude and so can our life.
There’s no time for epic fails in my book.
Maybe I needed an attitude adjustment, maybe five more minutes of sleep, perhaps an extra cup of coffee, or even maybe just a few minutes alone to jot down some thoughts (or even listen to some music) to change my mood.
But, I let chaos creep in and that was not a good thing.
If you are going through a storm, or a tough season, hang tight. Hold on to the hope that you’ll catch a break and chaos will let up, frustration will pass, and time will march on.
Life will not be like this forever. I know that in just a few short weeks, the students who can frustrate me so will be moving on and a new group of students will come in the doors of my classroom. I get excited about that: the future.
In just a few short days I will be heading out to a caregiver retreat. My first time interacting with other caregivers (in a really, really nice place, a legit spa, you guys), and possibly sharing my story. While I am anxious to know what we will be doing, I am hopeful to get some tools that will assist me in my caregiver journey.
Little glimpses of what can be, and what we can be hopeful or excited for can make all the difference. I promise.
You know that phrase, “this too shall pass”?
Keep that on repeat for those long, tedious days when nothing seems to be going your way.
Remember that if it were easy, everyone would do it.
And know, that you are not alone.
Most days, I feel like I’m Cathrine, driver, and operator of the Hot Mess Express.
Climb on up. Ride with me. I promise that the days will get easier.