This morning I woke up thinking “I am really excited about 2018.”
And then I realized that for the second year in a row I didn’t even make it until midnight. But surely I rang in the New Year in another time zone.
We wrapped up a busy year with our family, over the weekend it was just the four (okay, seven of us if you count the furry kids) of us. We had plans to visit with Sam’s family up north, but the weather decided to make our journey a little challenging. Not wanting to risk it, and really wanting to be safe, we stayed home. Had we gone north, our kids would have had four (4) Christmases. Yes, you read that correctly.
Are they spoiled?
Possibly.
Do we like celebrating Christmas for what seems like a month or longer?
If you are asking me, and I’m being honest with you, the answer to that is no.
We have a blended family. No one gives you a manual on a blended family. At times, it seems as if no one really understands joint-custody, parenting agreements, and sharing holidays. We have adjusted, and our holidays are a little different. Our kids are very loved. Very loved. They are so lucky to have several sets of grandparents, numerous cousins of all ages, and lots of homes to visit that are filled with love.
At times, it is exhausting.
Traveling and making sure that we can visit with everyone can be hard. It is stressful. That’s the thing about a blended family–the travel and the sharing, that some will never understand. We’ve been asked (or told) to switch holidays, just trade days, just work it out, and it is honestly so.much.more.than.that. I’m never comfortable when someone on the outside suggests to me how to do a holiday or how to parent (which might also be when I have selective hearing), but you learn to forgive easier in a blended family because you just have to at times.
So, a goal, or resolution, for 2018 is to be a little more private about the family, rather co-parenting situation. I know what you are thinking “you write a blog that involves your family” and while that is very true, to be honest, I don’t want to explain parenting arrangements to strangers, I don’t want to explain why every other week the kids are with their dad, and to be quite honest, I shouldn’t have to do that at all.
It may seem that this post is me complaining, but honestly, it is just a glimpse into our life as a blended family. Sure, there are books and even others out there who have a blended family…and you know what…none of them speak to our exact situation. There are no answers in a book for remarriage and step parenting, but I think we are doing pretty darn good in our home. No one really gets to tell us we are wrong, or we should be doing something different.
A blended family is a family: first and foremost. Am I set in certain ways more than I realize? Probably. I did my own thing for awhile with kids before I met Sam, and he did his own thing before he met me and my kids. At times, I prefer my way because I have been the head-of-the-household making a lot of decisions, but the best thing about Sam is that we work well as a team. We make decisions together. We talk things over. We communicate with our kids.
I think in 2018 I am going to take the perspective of seeing things from my kids’ shoes at times. It is difficult to see things through someone else’s eyes if you haven’t walked in their shoes (TRUTH). I know there are moments when they may not like what they hear from Sam and me, but talking about what is going on and what the experience is from someone else’s point of view is so helpful. We all have good intentions and loving hearts, I know that will continue into the new year.
I’m excited about 2018. In just a few weeks, I’ll be 38. I’m not quite sure how I feel about that, especially now that I see that number on a screen. We will also have a 15 year old who is all about driving in our home, too. Just keep those good thoughts, good vibes, and prayers coming, please.
We will be celebrating birthdays, weddings, going on road trips, going to concerts, and of course, seeing our family and friends. We look forward to taking our camper out, and spending time with the kids making memories.
If anything, 2018 will be about making more memories—because as Sam says from a tour in Iraq, “its all about the memories!”
Professionally, I am thrilled to be able to participate in conferences that allow me to talk about this very blog, and share my story with others. I am also excited to connect with others who have the same research interests as me, and I look forward to hearing what others have to say about their projects and work at their respective institutions.
Personally, I am going to enjoy the little things more–I was super stressed in 2017, and I really let people get under my skin, or take up space in my head—no more of that. Here’s to being a strong voice in my profession, and with my personal life, and with saying “no” a little more often.
I welcome 2018. 2017 had some ups and downs, and some days, weeks, even months I’d like to forget, so come on over, 2018. I’m happy to see you. 